Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
