How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize