Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize