Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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