When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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