god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
