Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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