my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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