based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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