I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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