foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
