Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
