I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
