Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
