you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
