I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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