Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
