so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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