when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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