You just made me feel so damn special
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Did we literally take a cab across the street
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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