**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
