I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
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