Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
