i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
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I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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