i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We are two peas in an std pod
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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