So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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