Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Jerry, you need to find god
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
