Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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