What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
