He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
