so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
