Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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