What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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