I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
