Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Are my feet made of real feet?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
