tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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