please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
