dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i think i have herpe
just one?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So much rum. So many feels.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
