between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
