hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
