Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
