then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
