He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
