I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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