I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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