I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
PANTIES FOUND
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
