How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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