sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
