It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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