Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
