Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
be right there i have to get my cape
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
