I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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