Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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