I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
