don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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