hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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