Im at strip club and am horny
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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