Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
