you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
