I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just got carded by a ten year old.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
