Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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